Privacy and Social Media Part 1

We live in an age where technology dominates our lives and, personally, I find it very unsettling. Do you ever find it kind of invasive when someone Facebook stalks you to find out info you haven’t given them before you knew them?

For the record I am guilty of this. However I hate it and I despise myself when I give in, because while I am a nosy little shit, I don’t like people knowing things about me before they’ve actually met me.

one tree hill

I have a tumblr, twitter and three instagrams. One instagram is dedicated to my cat, one is for this blog, the other one is private. I use twitter to network for music, stay current on news cause I tend to stray away from cable to tv.

I do not have a Facebook. I’ve been Facebook free for almost four years and I don’t regret a thing and here’s why:

Okay, first I should say that I hate when someone announces a new social media. When Tumblr came out I swore I’d never have one, only to get one a year later and, to this day, obsess over it. When twitter came out I dragged my feet for six months before realizing I needed it for my future goals and networking. I hated smartphones because I didn’t want to be obsessed with my phone which meant it took me four years to get an Instagram AND an iPhone. I hated Facebook and tried valiantly to stay with Myspace. I preferred LJ over almost anything.

So I guess I should say I hate change and I want my privacy (my LJ was private and, actually I deleted the email associated with the account so I can’t get back in). My brother points out that I don’t tend to talk about personal things on twitter and he’s right. Facebook is at fault for that.

boy meets world obsession eric matthews will friedle curse them

I’ve had a Facebook twice. The first time I deleted it I was 20. I had severe FOMO* and I’d obsess far too much over every picture I wasn’t it, every status that I didn’t have a part in, as well as the anxiety caused by subposts**, which, to this day, is still a thing that exists on not only Facebook, but almost every social network. I HATE IT. Look at the asterisk at the bottom for the reason why.

So, after realizing how Facebook directly impacted my anxiety and level of unhappiness? I deleted it. My friends and FOMO (I definitely got over that) got me to get back on Facebook. After a fight that ended in a hospitalization because of dehydration and needing to be medicated to get my anxiety under control I was relentlessly cyberbullied by someone I considered a friend. So I deleted the damn thing and haven’t looked back.

I try very hard to keep people in my life, however there’s something very freeing about cutting out the ways someone you no longer want to talk to can find you. I’m also from the bible belt in the south. I don’t like a lot of the ‘jokes’ people post on facebook. It’s better for my sanity and temper not to tempt fate. Even now by using my mom’s Facebook to see how old family friends are doing? It’s inevitable that I’m always going to find a racist joke, a sexist joke, or a rape joke. While I don’t like to judge and I’m adamant about it, crude and blatant disrespect is not something I’m down with and, frankly, it will color how I see you. So I stopped doing that too.

With my Instagram it’s different. I really enjoy looking at makeup swatches and posts. I like seeing what celebrities seem like and I love looking pictures. I’m a visual learner and I pick up on visual cues a lot and a lot of people, even my friends, have patterns on social media and…I am a nosy shit who wants to know if my hunches are right.

I noted before that my cat has his own Instagram. As a self professed cat lady, I found an awesome and supportive community of cat humoms and hudads, that I enjoy talking about my furchild with. There is a person in particular that went above and beyond when I had to put my childhood cat of fourteen years because I couldn’t stand to watch her continue to be in pain every time she used the bathroom (she was in the last stages of renal failure). It was one of the hardest things I ever had to decide because when we got her  I was eleven. She was supposed to be a family cat, however she picked me as her human and I was hers, she became my companion.

After I adopted my Maine Coon Benny (long story, but he’s the best cat I’ve ever had), I found that this same community has tips for helping your cats and the pictures are hella cute. Also my cat means the world to me and I don’t want to spam my followers on this blog’s insta or my personal one with my many pics of my furbaby. In fairness Benny is extremely quirky and photogenic and I will wax poetic about him for hours. However that’s another post for another time.

cat olivia maine coon catblog 2013
No this is not Benny but it looks almost exactly like him.

I referenced this blog’s Instagram earlier. Originally I wanted to just make this blog a beauty blog and, while I still will blog about beauty on the blog, this became more of a lifestyle blog. In beauty blogger world? Having an Instagram is necessary for networking and building a brand. However things went differently with this blog.

I wanted to interact with my future (hopefully *fingers crossed*) followers and get a bit more exposure. I tend to keep things a a lot more surface level on there, as well as my twitter. Yes I get personal, but it’s also a professional thing and, while I enjoy meeting new people etc. I have a lot of things I want to protect in my life. I also didn’t want to over-saturate this blog with posts and pictures, I’m still careful about oversaturation on Instagram.

And then there’s my heavily locked down and policed private Instagram. My private Instagram exists for the people I know and trust because:
A) I have three young nephews and I don’t want anyone creeping on their pics. And I assure you there are creepy people who prey on pics of children.
B) If I don’t want you in my life? I don’t want you to see my life. It’s incredibly hard for me to cut ties with people and if I want them truly gone I have to cut them cold turkey.
C ) I want to be able to trust the people I share my stuff with.

Which brings me to Snapchat which is just as awful as Facebook is for me, Snapchat is a bit worse. I hate it when people know everything I’m doing and I hate that people can screencap vulnerable moments. Even though you’re notified if they do? It still happens. It feels like an extreme violation of my privacy.

Now comes my most complicated relationship: My iPhone. When I got an iPhone I was overwhelmed with all the apps and ways to pass the time and keep memories. However, it comes with the side effect of people constantly checking their phones. One of my biggest pet peeves is being out with someone or sitting down at dinner or just in the middle of a conversation only to see their head in their phone texting etc. If I’ve taken time out of my day? I want you to be present. I don’t care how well you multitask, when you’re spending time with me I don’t want to feel like I’m inconveniencing you.

I hate going to concerts and seeing everyone on their cell phones. I feel like social media and all these apps detract and distract from an amazing experience. I admittedly will record one song and maybe a candid moment because I love to hoard memories, but admittedly I’m an unapologetic concert junkie and there is something about hearing your favorite songs live. There’s an emotional aspect that you don’t get from listening to a CD. You paid money for this. BE PRESENT.

I love taking pictures of my nephews, but I love making memories that a phone can’t document with them. Frankly, a lot of my best days? They’re days that I turn my phone on silent and pretty much unplug. My grandfather lives in a very rural area that doesn’t have cell phone service. I was taking care of him after surgery and I had to be completely unplugged for three days and it was wonderful. It was one of the few days this year that I had very little anxiety. I had several amazing conversations and I got so much done. I never realized how much time I spent glued to my phone.

Circling back to my original point and leading into what post two is about: In spite of evidence to the contrary, I am a private person. I will share what I choose to. Nowadays that can become problematic. People believe what they want, that feel entitled to your sensitive and personal information, not to mention that there are a lot of people who get really brave when they become anonymous and it’s awful.

When Robin Williams died, his daughter unplugged for social media because of the amount of hate she got from his fans. They felt she wasn’t posting enough or wasn’t showing enough grief. On top of that some people sent fake photos of her father’s dead body or harassed her relentlessly. But that was her DAD. The whole world loved Robin, but she is his daughter, she wanted to keep her private memories to herself. No one had the right to judge that or her grief.

Continue on to Part 2

Later Lovelies,
❤ Lady Lynx

* Fear Of Missing Out and it ran my health into the ground.
*Subposting is when someone puts something salty or something meant to embarass/hurt/insult someone without naming them even though we all know who it was about. I hate conflict almost as much as I hate Facebook, but I’m the type of woman who pretty much wants to tackle the conflict and move on respectfully. I personally find subposting childish, cruel, and insulting, but that’s my take on things and if you want to do it, you do you boo. I’m not here to judge you.


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